Sunday, 11 February 2007


I've given this some thought. I originally mentioned what i did yesterday to Axel whilst at work. I have been feeling a little guilty about how I had been wasting my time by being unproductive, unhealthy and generally wasting the worlds resources. After a quick chat with Axel and I could see it from a different perspective; namely that it was quite cool. I did so very little yesterday that I can tell you in great deal about the whole day in one paragraph. And a paragraph is quite small.

In response to the innocuous question "How was your day?".....

Well I exited the old REM sleep and entered the strange realm of conciousness. I stayed in bed. Scratched an itch (not meant as a euphamism) and pondered taking care of personal hygenine. I lay in bed some more. I reached to over to the computer and went to a web site for streaming free films. I watched half of Terry Pratchet's "Hogfather". (As a quick tangent I will state here that the film was fucking awful. I only watched it because it was listed in the "fantasy" genre and I generally like these. I now feel no guilt that I have ripped off anyone who had anything to do with it because it sucked like a Dyson on heat).

Damn I broke my one paragraph promise after a slight rant. Sorry. Anyhow I pondered the prospect of breakfast. My choice of breakfast was the result of millions of years of evolution.... our bodies and taste buds crave fat because in more hostile times it was a precious resource.... anyhow I reached over to the computer again and ordered Dominos pizzasss. There was an offer on that enabled you to purcase 3 customised, delicous culinary discs of pleasure at a reduced price. "Yes". I figured that this was a minimal outlay of effort resulting in the maximal carorific reward. I bet Ray Mears would have approoved; making the best of the natural resources available to me. You can probably tell I feel a little guilty about simultaneously ordering 3 Dominos pizzas for myself because of the length I've gone to justify it.

I was still in last nights teeshirt and boxers so I decided to expend some effort and shower after all. I didn't want the pizza man to view the kind of life i was living by answering the door, half dressed at 2pm, in order to receive 3 pizzas. The pizzas arrived and my external dignity was in tact. I carried them up to my bed. I pressed play, resumed the Hogfather and began eating. This arrangement - eating in bed with a film - had an added benefit of not allowing me to concentrate fully on the afformentioned piece of shit movie. After the film (and my days of low blood pressure/cholesterol) were over I had a snooze. An alarm I thoughtfully set for 5pm woke me up in time for me to walk to work and regale Axel with this tale of slovenly glutton. As Axel looked mildly envious rather than disgusted I realised this was not something to be ashamed of but should be celebrated. I bet if i told him about the day I found myself drinking wine, browsing porn sites in one window, playing internet poker in another window and this at 3pm he would have been borderline disgusted. And I would have been condemned to hell by all major religions.

1 comment:

Mr Axl said...

Wrong. You are my God now.